Monday, August 29, 2011

When you're married to wilderness man.

So one day, many moons ago (I think it was last October or November), Dill randomly applied to be an extra in a New Testament film project our church would soon be working on. They needed Jewish/Arabic/Roman-looking people for these roles. Dill very obviously fit the bill (I think the nose is the most convincing part) so he easily made it through all the rounds of casting. At one point, they asked that he start growing his beard and hair "in earnest" so that endeavor began at the end of May, pretty much the moment we got home from D.C.

About three months has passed since that day. Now, I wake up and my husband looks like this:

You like my paint skillz? I know.

I used to think a humongous beardstache-thing on my husband's face would scare the living daylight outta me but so far, I've managed not to flinch and shriek when I see it. The babies at church sometimes do, though.

And since I'm sure you're dying to know: yeah, it's not so fun to kiss him anymore. Someone should do a study about how facial hair affects marriages. I bet it would be enlightening. And Gillette's stock would probably skyrocket immediately upon its publication.

Anyway ... this beard has been through quite a few phases. First, it was a sexy 5 o'clock shadow of scruff. Then, it evolved into the rugged, "I just camped for five days because I'm super outdoorsy" look. It quickly (and surprisingly) became a real beard within about a month. Back then, he got a lot of compliments like, "Wow, you wear a beard SO WELL!" And then, he started looking like a Biblical prophet and the compliments turned into strange stares and uncomfortable questions. It's been at this Moses state for a few weeks now and let me just say, I'll be glad the day it's gone. And I think Dill will, too. He's constantly worried he has food in that nest of hair around his mouth and he's a bit tired of having to explain that he has a monstrous Hagrid beard because he's going to be a movie star. You think that would be an awesome excuse but the truth is, Dill has, um, no acting experience so it kind of sounds like a joke. Here's how the scenario usually plays out:

Random person from church/high school/work: "Dude, what's with the beard?"

Dill: "I'm going to be an extra in a movie about Jesus."

Random person: "Hahahaha ... Seriously ... ?"

I find the whole concept of Dill acting in a real production quite amusing. I love telling people my husband's going to be in a movie, even though it's really just a collection of short clips that will be used mostly for educational purposes. But that doesn't stop me from bragging all day about it! I sometimes blurt out the news without warning in conversation: "Did you all know that DILL'S gonna be in a MOVIE?!?" That one really gets the ball rolling. I can't help it; I'm so PROUD! He's living the dream, right?!

So this is FINALLY happening. Tomorrow, Dill is carting his hairy face up to Utah to shoot the movie for a few days. The kids and I are parking our non-hairy faces here because Bubby has pre-school and I have choir rehearsal (oh yeah, did you hear? EVMCO is letting me sing with them!). We're going to get a taste of Daddy-less parenthood and I have a feeling I'm going to have my butt handed to me at the end. Yay! Stay tuned!

(Click here for info about the New Testament project.)


  1. My husband's cousin is in a similar super hairy state for the same reason...oh and he's a BYU student...yeah it goes over really well there. He got the okay for it, but he gets lots of strange stares and he said as much as you would think it would attract attracts the wrong kind. Good luck this week on your "daddy-less days." I'm sure you'll do just fine! You're amazing!

  2. hahaha that is awesome. if i were a bearded man i would be paranoid of food getting stuck and crumbs sticking around for fun. ahhhh. so much stress!

  3. my fiance really does look like jesus right now haha.
    i love a little scruff, but i HATE beards! I agree on the marriage study... i totally hate kissing my man when my face is pricked to pieces by his cactus face!
    xox dana

  4. Is this the first time being a single parent with two kids?

  5. Amazing! Love the paint visual too:-) Perhaps even I would grow a beard for a movie...what?! xoxo

  6. At least he can grow it! Mike can't even get his sideburns in without bald patches. Hee hee...

  7. Ah, I did wonder what the beard was all about. Hope he loves the experience. And think you're married to a future movie star!

  8. that's pretty cool. i bet clint would be ultra jealous if he saw the beard.

  9. I wonder if you'll miss all that hair.


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  11. I flinch when Ryan has stubble! Lol I think it looks good but it hurts! I call it his face swords. Yay for your hubs, tell him to break a leg from me!

  12. Guuuurrrlll. You've got some serious painting skillzzzz. ;-) I want my hubby to grow a beard, but all I can get him to commit to is not shaving for 4 days. But it's OK, as I love his soft cheeks. Anyway, enough of my mush.

    This was a hilarious post. Hilarious. Nice job!


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