Tuesday, July 6, 2010


That's what this post is going to be, a potpourri of subjects. Because I have been such a bad blogger lately and now I have to play catch up.

I hope you're not mad at me. But hopefully, you'll have some sympathy for me after you finish this post.

First off: Baby Guy aka The Smush is now 3 months old. That's a quarter of a year, folks. Whaaa? I swear, I was just writing his birth story yesterday.

Well, here is his 3-month chair picture:

Such a big boy! A friend of mine pointed out the fat roll on his ankle. Mmm, butterball. Yummy little ball of fat and chubs. I could just eat him sometimes, he's so cute.

Here's a picture of the three of us, being oh so silly/drooly:

In other news, I went to the doctor at the end of June. The Ladyparts Doctor. Because, well, it's been 3 months since my VBAC and let's just say I'm still a mess downstairs. I was having all sorts of issues, the biggest one being that Mr. Dill and I were unable to, well, you know. "Special" hug, knock boots, whatever you want to call it. Excruciating pain and immense pressure. Not fun or normal at all. Furthermore, I could not, for the life of me, go poop without the help of a stool softener. Yes, I realize this is all very TMI and probably scarring your retinas as we speak. But, I'm not going to sugarcoat things for y'all. This is the reality of vaginal childbirth. It can really eff you up.

So, I took matters into my own hands went to see Dr. Ladyparts. He did a VERY thorough examination (read "VERY" with bulging eyes, as if someone is trying to scratch your brain through your hoo-hah) and determined that I have a few problems. One: Waaaay too much scar tissue up in thurr, which means it ain't stretchin' at all during "wonka wonka" and that's the number one reason it hurts so much. Two: Uterine and bladder prolapse. Which effectively means my bladder and my uterus are falling out. Yup! Imagine that.

(Wow, if I had any male readers before, they're all gone now. Guaranteed.)

As for not being able to go #2 ... Three: My perineum (you know, that tissue between hole #1 and hole #2) is still really weak and not providing any resistance to my recto-anal area. So, my body's not getting the message that it's time to "go."

Dr. Ladyparts prescribed me an estrogen cream to hopefully soften that scar tissue. He said if it doesn't work, he can perform a surgery "in the office, using local anesthesia." Well, I nearly passed out at the very mentioning of such a procedure, because that means only one thing: Needle in the Hoo-Hah. And, no thank you; I'd rather be celibate. So I'm using the cream and it's helping. But the real problem is the prolapse. See, those organs are kind of crowding into the basement a little bit and not leaving much room for Kroll the Warrior King. So when he tries to force his way in there, yeah. Ow.


Dr. Ladyparts said it will just take time for those organs to migrate back to their original positions. That's what happens when an 8+ pound baby is sucked out of you in 15 minutes flat. The bladder and uterus are basically forced to come along for the ride. It's physics, plain and simple.

I'm starting to regret my VBAC a whole lot. This is probably the saddest sentence I've ever typed. I did want the experience of pushing my baby out, and I got it. Thank heavens I had an epidural because the actual delivery was pleasant and memorable, whereas without it? I don't even want to think about how that would have transpired. But the recovery has been nothing short of hell, let me tell ya. As soon as that epidural wore off, I felt like I'd literally been ripped in two. And three months later, I'm still having issues. I'm really trying not to be bitter about it, but what can I say? I chose the VBAC to avoid health complications, not to acquire them. If I had known it was going to be this way, I would have opted for the repeat C-section in a heartbeat.

As for being "in a funk," Dr. Ladyparts said the estrogen would probably help with that. And I think it has. I've been feeling much better. Here's a secret (not-so-secret anymore): I've struggled off and on with depression for years. I had it before I was pregnant with Bubby, after I had Bubby, and now. Just part of my life, I guess. Some people have diabetes, some people have lupus, and some have depression. And it's OK, because medications help immensely, and there are additional ways to manage it (nutritious diet, exercise, counseling, etc.). I wish no one had to suffer from depression, but it exists and we just have to live with it.

Well, I just told waaaaay too much about my life to the Internet. Oh well. If I am able to help someone by putting my story out there, I'll do it. Vaginal delivery people: If you can't be intimate with your spouse without wanting to gouge his eyeballs out with your fingernails, go see your gynecologist. It's likely fixable. And if you suspect some of your organs have flown south for the winter, go to the doctor. He or she will at least confirm your suspicions and maybe provide you with some treatment options.

A friend of mine had a baby last week and posted on her Twitter account, "Childbirth was a piece of cake." You know, I'm glad it was good for someone. Because for me, it was also a piece of cake, but it was more like 30-year-old fruitcake.

P.S.~ If you're wondering why I avoided the V word throughout my post, it's because I don't want creepos coming to my blog looking for nasty stuff.

POST EDIT: I had to go back and state some stuff after I read through the comments.

Please, if you are considering a VBAC, keep considering! There are a lot of health benefits to having a VBAC over a repeat C-section. My VBAC was not typical. I had a large, posterior baby and a lot of bleeding (placental abruption) which meant he had to be evicted and QUICK. Had I been able to push over a longer time period, I don't think I would have had quite so many complications. There are a lot of problems associated with vacuum-assisted births. So please, if you're in the possible VBAC camp, keep reading up on VBAC's vs. RCS before you make your decision. I had a bad experience, but I also had an atypical experience.


  1. I sometimes create similar posts in my head but I'm too wimpy to post them. Thanks for not sugarcoating it. I enjoy your straight-forwardness. :)

    And here's to recovery and MUCH better baby-birthing experiences in the future!

  2. Wow, you poor thing. I have never heard of a recovery being that awful from a vaginal birth! Mine have both been pretty good except the lovely infection I got "down there" after my second. Don't let it getcha down. Just remember it's highly unusual and next time it will be better!

  3. I love love love reading your blog. I am so sorry you had such a terrible recovery with your vbac :( I remember healing and feeling all better and getting the OK from the dr and all excited and thinking OUCHHH. It took me about 8 weeks or so before I could finally somewhat comfortably be intimate... I think I was tricked because the outside of my body was healed but my 3rd degree, 18 stitches episiotomy was stil healing the 3rd layer or something. Hopefully things heal fast for you!

  4. Thanks for your post Jenna! My Docs keep asking me if I'm considering a VBAC and after your story I absolutely want to stick with a c-section! Thanks for telling it like it is. I hope Dr Ladyparts can help fix your puzzle pieces. Love ya-

  5. I have been reading your blog for a while and I have felt creepy about wanting to comment before because... well... I don't know you. But! I had to comment on this post. I loved it. I am pregnant with my first and I am not letting myself think about how this baby is... going to come out of me or the after math. Thank you for not sugar coating it. I guess I have to start preparing myself mentally for birth and the after effects sometime and this post helped. Thank goodness for Dr. Ladyparts!

  6. Kroll the Warrior King, LOL!!!! You just made me spit juice out my nose, LOVE that movie!!!:)

    I'm glad the estrogen cream is helping with the stretching and the funks, you're right its nothing to be ashamed of! I'm glad that you are able to be so candid, I think that's a huge help for others out there that may be going through the same stuff and are too afraid to talk about it. I do the same with my Endo stuff... I figure if I help at least 1 person out there, its well worth the TMI!!! You rock!

    Your little man is getting so big and SO handsome! Love the rolls, looks very scrumptious indeed! ;)

  7. Thanks for the honesty Jenna. I also just love your euphemisms.

  8. I think it's safe to say we all love how straight forward you are. Especially those of us who haven't been through those things yet since the anticipation is unbarable sometimes and the fears are all too real. The more I learn about the subject the less afraid I am. I am modest to a fault I think and the thought of pushing a child out of me in anybody's presence other than my husband's freaks me out. When I read what you have to say it gives me a boost of confidence! And although what you're going through sounds less than pleasant it makes me feel more prepared for what could happen and understand that it's not normal and to see a doctor. I hope you feel better! I had no idea you dealt with depression. I didn't know you that well in high school, but I never would have thought you did. I'm glad things are getting better for you, although when things are bad they make for interesting blog posts! :)

  9. So...I have a question. Did Dr Ladyparts suggest what your next kiddo should be? c section vs vaginal birth? Just wondering. Maybe it wasnt even in the agenda since Little Man is only 3 months. haha. I seriously still have a hard time knowing that my babies all have to be born via c section because I really wanted that VBAC. But I am grateful my babies can be born safely...think about if I wouldve been having kids 20 years ago.
    Thanks for sharing. I dont mind your honesty. . :)

  10. It's amazing what women go through for their babies. No matter how bad it is though, it's so worth it. Carson is a handsome little guy. I'm sorry your VBAC had so many complications, I hope you heal up soon. C section or normal birth: it's hard. I had no health issues before I had Tommy and Tristan, and now I'm going in for my second surgery next week. Gallstones, lovely! haha Feel better Jenna, I know how you feel. I too have had depression, especially after giving birth.

  11. I know you may thinkg it's TMI but this is the kind of stuff i want to know seeing that this is what i want to try next time. This is the kind of info you don't get. So hearing it from you is great. I do hope the next one goes a bit smoother. Did Dr. Ladyparts say anything about the next time you birth as in what she recomemnds??? You know just seeing that you had a few issues?

  12. Jenna, this post had me laughing so hard and crying from laughing so hard. "Special" hug", "Knock boots", "Wonka, wonka," and "Kroll the Warrior King" -- you would be a great stand-up comedienne!
    I am sorry, though, for all the pain you are enduring. Though I've never experienced the "miracle of childbirth," I was, however, severely depressed for about 10 years before a doctor saw all the symptoms in me and started me on an anti-depressant. (I've been taking Elavil since 1992.) Soon after I began taking it, Granny told me that several people told her that they noticed how happy and more outgoing I seemed. And I was!

    Anyhoo, I always love reading your blog! Keep up the awesome work on keeping us informed about your Hoo-Hah. LOL

  13. I spoke to my sister who had a V-bac after two c-sections (which is unheard of now).
    She said intercourse was painful for more than 6 months afterward. Her case, just like yours was the exception not the rule. She did say that the two other deliveries she did after the v-bac were so worth going vaginal again. She didn't have any problems with recovery like the first vaginal birth.
    I must say that I think you should try for an un-medicated birth. I know that sounds crazy, especially after all your trauma with this last delivery, but her me out.
    When you don't have an epidural, you can tell how hard you are pushing and if you can push how you are told you won't tear, which cuts out the problem of scar tissue. Also, women who have epidurals usually push so hard for so long that they do have that prolapse issues. (after reading your post edit, I realize your pushing long and hard for a long time wasn't the issue here, but it is for many births.) Also, with a posterior baby and no epidural, you can get on your hands and knees while in labor and that will almost always flip the baby around to the proper position.
    And I must say, the recovery is AMAZING!! For me, since I've done both an epidural for delivery and el-naturel I can honestly say that going from feeling nothing (cause of the epidural) to feeling everything (once it has worn off) is HORRIBLE!! But with Miles delivery I had total control and was on cloud 9 after pushing him out, all those endorphins kicked in and it was just an amazing feeling.
    I have been taking anti-depressants for almost 9 years - through all three pregnancies, and even after Amelia's delivery, which is part of the reason I didn't realize I had postpartum, I didn't think it was possible while taking a medicine. But since my taking medicine created my new "normal" the added postpartum threw me for a loop. Depression sucks. Sorry you are having a hard time. It will get better!

  14. Jenna you're making me feel better for not getting my VBAC. It's just not in the cards for me because I'm too small. If I would have a VBAC, it would tear me apart. You and my mom are the only ones I know of that had a horrible long recovery after a vaginal birth. It was my mom's first child and her doctor let her go almost a month over due! That's an eye popper for you! He was almost 10 pounds and my mom was just as small as me and she ended up tearing all the way up to her rectum. She had no sensation to go #2 for about 3 months. She had to wear granny diapers. Since that birth she had 6 more kids and all was well so don't give up all together on another VBAC. My mom never had a c-section so she didn't know how easy it can be. They're really not bad. Just like you said, less painful but longer recovery in most cases.
    I'm glad I came across your blog. I hope you remember me from the North Park 2nd Ward. We had our first kids like one or two months apart. I'm not a crazy stalker. Love the blog. Mine is mthompsonfam.blogspt.com if you will like to keep up with us.


  15. You are an excellent writer. I like knowing there are friends with me at Camp Depression. Maybe you should write a post about that. You have a talent with writing that is all about keeping it real but not all doom and gloom. I love that I can relate to your posts.

  16. Blah! I need to quit searching your blog for vbac insight because my doctor thinks I'm the one who doesn't beat the odds and I fear these things will happen to me. I'm beginning to think child bearing isn't for me because the more I research it the more it freaks me out! But I feel like I need to keep researching it to be prepared for all possibilities because my baby is 3 months and my head is still stuck in the hospital replaying everything that I can remember over the course of the 7 days that I was there. I don't think I could handle something more traumatic so I need to be prepared!


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