Monday, June 27, 2011

Things I don't get.

My friend Crystal recently posted about all the weird things she doesn't "get," including Lady Gaga, pierced baby ears and cloth diapers. Go here to read about it. Crystal's really opinionated and doesn't care what people think. She's awesome!

(I could learn a lesson or two from her, apparently.)

Crystal inspired me to create my own list of things I don't "get." I've kind of done this before, but let's face it -- the world is overflowing with weird, uncomfortable and/or mind-boggling things. So let's blog about 'em! Even if we already did just a few months ago!

1. Camping. I have never liked to camp, as in pitch a tent in the wilderness with no running water or electricity. I have tried time and time again and I have concluded I just don't do well in the woods. First of all, running water is a must for me. I don't know about you, but I like to have clean hands for eating, flossing my teeth and taking contacts out of my eyeballs. Among other things. And Wet Ones and hand sanitizer DO NOT CUT IT. Clean hands = running warm water, soap and a clean towel. Second, every time I go camping I start my period. Which is super fun in the middle of the woods with no running water. Third, I hate bugs and the woods are literally crawling with them. So, no camping for me. However, I do enjoy a woodland cabin retreat, complete with running water and electricity. That's my idea of camping.

I realize I'm going to have a hard time surviving in an apocalypse. Please, don't remind me.

2. Low-rise pants. You all know how frustrated I am about not being able to find jeans that fit me. Half of this frustration comes from the fact 99% of pants that are cute are way too freaking low. I am not a rail-thin supermodel/13-year-old, Pants Manufacturers of the World. I've carried small people in my body and I cannot wear your low pants. I don't want my butt crack hanging out. I don't want the button at my boobs, either, but can we please compromise? Right now it's like Grandma Pants or Hooker Pants are the only pants in existence. Those are my choices.

But seriously, low-rise jeans are so Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera early 2000's. Remember how 10 years ago, you were sitting in math class and suddenly, your eyes were seared right out of their sockets when they happened to fall upon some chick's thong hanging out of her pants? WHEN HAS THAT EVER BEEN ACCEPTABLE? Please, low-rise pants, GO AWAY and never come back. I'm convinced you contributed to my near-sightedness. Too many nasty thong-sightings in junior high and high school.

3. Super-high-heeled shoes. Ladies, help me understand. I really want to like these shoes. You know what I am talking about:

So sexy and cute, right?

But they HURT so dang much!!!

I own a pair of heels quite like these. I bought them for my brother's wedding a few years back, thinking I'd look amazing and knock everyone dead with my sexiness. Turns out I could only wear them in 15-minute increments before I felt like I needed an ambulance. And the way I have to walk to avoid falling over/twisting my ankle is anything BUT sexy.

Maybe it's because I don't work out. Maybe it's because I have weak ankles. Maybe I'm just a wuss, plain and simple. I can't figure it out. But these shoes are not meant for me and never will be. You young cute thangs can go ahead and wear them on my behalf because I am simply incapable.

4. Facebook games/apps. Farmville, Mafia Wars, Zoo World, Gnome Garden Hookerville World, whatever it is ... I don't want it. Please, PLEEEEEEASE don't send me a request for this if we are Facebook friends. I will probably never play. And I will definitely judge you if I see that you're indulging in these timesuck-games in my news feed. Kidding (kind of).

But truthfully, I have enough anxiety in my life over real money and people. I don't need the added stress over fake people and fake money.

5. Caillou. Please tell me you have seen this, the weirdest and most annoying kids' show ever. (If you haven't, consider yourself lucky.) The premise seems innocent enough -- a young preschooler and the adventures he has with his toddler sister, parents and friends. But there's a catch: this kid is WHINY. To the max. His voice is grating. It's like nails on a chalkboard. No, it's like GRATING A CHALKBOARD. He cries/whines about everything. Happy, sad, mad, scared, excited, bummed out ... it doesn't matter. He's whining away. It's uncomfortable. I'm embarrassed for Caillou's parents, which is saying something because they are animated fictitious people. If you don't believe in corporal punishment, you might make an exception for Caillou. I'm just sayin.'

But the worst part about Caillou is how much my kids love it. Smush just stares like he's in a trance when Caillou's on (maybe he's a hypnotist masquerading as a whiny brat? Plausible ... ). Plus, the show airs at 7:30 in the morning and sometimes I need a few more minutes of sleep at that time so I turn it on. But I don't know why I even bother since the freaking kid's obnoxious bleating keeps me awake anyway.

What don't YOU get?


  1. LOL. You are so thin! I love low rise and always wear flats, though :)

  2. I wear super high heels that kill my feet because, A: Im really short, and B: I feel they help make my squaty fat legs seem longer and thinner. Low rise jeans to me make me feel less mom shaped, but alas allow for alot of crack showage. lol. Caillou is a freakin whiner and i really dislike thatt my kids like him, Camping is not for me either. Im not the use the potty anywhere other than a toilet indoors type of lady and i have to be able to shower DAILY. I cant do the whole skip a day thing when camping or deal with Bugs. Ick. :-)

  3. i have always worn low rise pants but my crack has never hung out and still doesnt lol! and for the heels... they used to hurt my feet until i just sucked it up and my feet got used to it! i prefer high wedges though. i LOVE wearing high shoes but i feel more stable chasing after children in wedges.

  4. have you tried jeggings (my favorite are from the gap)??? or pants from forever 21? LOVE their jeans and pretty much all of them are under $20

  5. Fun post! I agree with you, except the pants and camping. We camp and I've found pants I love. ;)

    Something I want to know the answer to: Why do men giggle? We know why women giggle, but why do men?

  6. Awe thanks Jenna! You are pretty awesome yourself!

    Totally agree with the facebook games/apps & heels

  7. I love camping! I don’t mind living in a tent, having no running water, or bugs (I think bugs are cute!). But if there is no toilet (or even one of those camping “toilets” (bucket, trash bags inside bucket, toilet seat on top)) and toilet paper, then all bets are off.
    Low-rise pants and super-high-heeled shoes – No thanks. I don’t want pervs looking at my butt crack (mid-rise jeans feel more comfortable, anyway) and high-heeled pumps make me walk like a robot.
    Facebook games/apps – Sorry, Jenna. I gotta call you out on this one. Three letters: RUA. Ahem.
    Caillou – Never seen it. Guess I’m one of the lucky ones.

    What I don’t get? How did the “Macarena” become so popular?! Seriously!

  8. hahah low rise pants, super high heels and caillou. I totally agree. Ugh. I can't stand Caillou, he reminds me of a little boy I knew growing up who was annoying.

    Also, Mafia wars/Farmville. All my friends play, but they're not even like real games!

  9. Also, most disturbing to me: Why is Caillou bald? Seriously? Does he have cancer? Some weird skin condition? The rest of his family is well endowed in the follicular department. Even his baby sister has a whole head of hair. This kid is 4 years old for heaven's sake. He should have been able to grown SOMETHING on his head by now!!!!

  10. I don't get the obsession with video games and World of Warcraft. When my husband gets a new game he thinks he can't do anything else until he beats it. Thank heavens he doesn't play WOW or I'd never see him!

    I don't get why we think we have to have what celebrities wear whether it's cute or not. There are seriously some ugly sandles out that EVERYONE is wearing and I just don't get it.

    Last, I don't get the obsession over tv. Why do we spend so much time caring about nonsense and then update everyone about it on facebook?! Seriously people, there are far better things you can do with your time!

  11. I totally agree with the pants, shoes, FB crap games, and Caillou. I look like a monster when I try walking in super high heels and yes, they kill. People are lying when they say they are comfortable or don't hurt. And Caillou...super whiney. And how is that good for kids to watch? What a terrible example. As if you don't already have to tell them a ton not to whine. Now they see Caillou do it and think it's ok or cool. Ugh.

  12. I agree with the high heels and Caillou. And what's with his name? And his having no hair?

    I don't get the whole not matching thing. Apparently that looks good? I understand that you should be too matchy matchy, but when I see people wearing pattern on pattern in different colors, I just...don't get it.

  13. I have an aunt who buys pre-teen boy's pants, because of the poor selection in women's pants.

  14. I agree with Rachel about Caillou's hair. What is with that? And yes, he is soooo whiny. And he acts like a two year old a lot. Glad my kids are bored with it/have seen every episode.

  15. thats so funny that you say usually 100% on board with you but I don't recall a constant whiny Calliou. My girl likes to watch it too. I guess i'll have to pay close attention. NOt to say that he doesn't whine cause he does but when i watch it i see an average 3-4 yr old's responses to everyday conditions. He's happy or sad...learning to share...what its like being a big brother. Its interesting b/c i see the similarities just in our daily life. I find that it depicts it accurately. Now whats out of my league is that mother and father's patience and understanding. I need a healthy dose of that!(ugh, look at me, im writing about Calliou! nuff said!)
    I get the heels. They suck...but they give me the height and sex appeal i need to feel good. lIke they(whom ever "they" are, they're smart ones)say, ...Beauty is Pain.

  16. I wear only super high heels. The higher the better! 4 inches and higher. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE them. SO WORTH IT! :D

  17. HI, just found your blog through Yours, Mine & Ours (meredith tuttle). You're cute and I love your writing stye. I'm a follower now. Have a good wednesday.


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