In defense of formula.

My chubby Bubby and me, 2008

Last week, I stumbled upon a blog called The Fearless Formula Feeder. As the name suggests, the author is a woman whose mission is to defend the use of formula in feeding babies, but she doesn't condemn those who breastfeed. My kind of gal.

You all know I breastfed Smush for a year. Part of me is very proud of that fact, but part of me doesn't think I should be. I mean, I fed my baby for a year (don't worry; I still feed him). Who really cares how? I don't deserve a medal. Yeah, it was hard and we met our fair share of hurdles, but so what? What part of parenting doesn't have hurdles?

Maybe this indifference toward breastfeeding comes from the fact I did NOT breastfeed Bubby. I tried for about 6 weeks; it just didn't work out. It was a huge relief for the whole family when I finally offered her a bottle. Despite the fact formula was the right choice for Bubby, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I was doing something bad. That giving my baby formula was NOT "my best." This feeling stemmed from message boards and blogs I read which blatantly condemned formula and bottle feeding. I had read them all before Bubby was born and was determined not to join the "dark side." It wasn't so much that I wanted to breastfeed, though I did. But mostly, I didn't want to become the subject of attack for thousands of militant breastfeeders. I didn't want to become that mom who just couldn't hack it and gave up.

I was put in my place right away -- Bubby had wicked awful lactose intolerance and reflux. Her boob days were characterized by non-stop screaming, a stiff belly and frequent vomiting. Obviously, babies don't cry for nothing -- it's usually a rather loud and uncomfortable indication that something isn't right. After weeks of unsuccessfully trying to soothe my inconsolable child, I listened to my instinct and it said "It's the breastmilk." That pill was hard to swallow. As a first-time mom armed with all the evidence, statistics and criticism the world had to offer, I wanted to breastfeed: I didn't want to buy formula. But I bit the bullet and trudged to Costco. As soon as Bubby sipped her new soy formula, she changed into the happy, calm baby I knew she was.

You'll be pleased to know Bubby suffered no ill effects from the formula. As a baby, she developed rapidly and was always very strong, with the appropriate amount of baby chub (see picture above). She rarely got sick. And she was as smart as a whip -- still is. So I praise formula: it nourished my baby for 10 months and rescued our mother-daughter relationship. It did what it needed to do.

Would it have been nice to breastfeed Bubby for as long as I did Smush? Sure. I could have saved about $600 dollars, for one thing. And maybe we would have bonded better; I don't know. But, do I regret not breastfeeding her? No. It is what it is. The past is gone; time to move on. And you can't put a price on your sanity.

Unfortunately for us mothers, there is a nasty stigma against formula and those who use it. I will wholeheartedly acknowledge that breastmilk is nutritionally superior to formula. And breastfeeding itself is wonderful; it has all sorts of benefits and it's free. I'll back that up 'til I'm blue in the face. But it's not "best" for everyone. Sorry, it just isn't. And it's no one's place to judge what warrants a good "excuse" to use forgo breastfeeding.

It used to be that the formula-feeders were the elites, paying top dollar for engineered nutritional "perfection"; the breastfeeders were the lower-class citizens who simply couldn't afford it. Any modern mother will tell you the tables have certainly turned. Nowadays, breastfeeding is a magic super-power that only the best mothers possess. You're met with (at the very least) a raised eyebrow if you dare to offer your child a plastic nipple. You're seen as uneducated and undisciplined if you mix powder with water and feed it to your baby. You "gave in" to the easier way of doing things. You don't really care about your child, because if you did, you'd still be lactating.

Well, I don't buy it.

Mothers are smart. They're equipped with instincts that guide them in the best ways to rear their kids. I have faith in mothers. If they feel inclined to bottle-feed their babies, they're doing the right thing. I believe that.

The one thing you can count on as a mother is that things will rarely go according to plan. Our babies come to us in all different ways, shapes and sizes and without an instruction manual. I applaud mothers who do their research and create a plan before having babies. Read all the literature you can -- this is an open book test! But don't be surprised if things go awry and you're suddenly standing in the formula aisle at the nearest grocery store, trying to decide between Similac and Enfamil . It happens to the best of us. But don't feel bad. Don't let the haters get you down. You're doing what's best for your child, and only you -- YOU -- can know what that is.  

That's your super-power.