For our Valentine's date, Dill and I went to this fantastic restaurant called the White Chocolate Grill. It's waaaay out in Scottsdale off the 101 and Mayo, but well-worth the drive.
The main menu was pretty conventional, though the chef executed our orders unconventionally well. I got this sesame-crusted seared tuna salad with a champagne vinaigrette on it and almost died from the yumminess. Dill ordered a pork loin with mashed potatoes and it was super-tender. The potatoes were really fluffy and creamy, too, which is usually my biggest complaint about potatoes.
As the name suggests, this restaurant boasts an impressive selection of desserts featuring ... you guessed it -- WHITE CHOCOLATE! Now, I'm not normally a white chocolate fan. It has to be high quality and creamy, otherwise forget it. Friends encouraged us to order the white chocolate brownie (designed for two), which we did and we savored every bite. It was a warm blondie with white chocolate chips in it served a la mode, topped with a mile of fresh whipped cream and white chocolate garnish and drizzled with white and dark chocolate sauce. Pure heaven. I wish I had taken a picture but I didn't. You'll just have to use your imaginations. Or look it up on the Web site I linked earlier, along with the other tasty menu options.
I definitely recommend you eat at the White Chocolate Grill if you're looking for a romantic, chic restaurant with an appetizing menu to match. This was a memorable dining experience that I hope to have again soon!
Now, to tie in the title of this post ... while we were gnoshing on our scrumptious dessert, the Prince song "Raspberry Beret" floated through the air of the restaurant. Thus began the most hilarious conversation of our married lives:
Dill: What is the name of this song, anyway? Me: "Raspberry Beret." Duh. It's one of Prince's most iconic songs! Dill: Really? "Raspberry Beret?" I always thought he was saying "Raspberry PARADE." Me: (laughing hysterically) Oh my GOSH! Are you serious?! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! Dill: Well, it sounds more like 'parade' than 'beret.' Listen ... (we listen for a minute as Prince wails, "Raaaaaaspberry parade ...") Me: It does.
My mom is on this neighborhood Yahoo! group from which she regularly receives e-mails about the latest goings-on in her community. Most people use the e-mail group to buy, sell or give away goods. Mom has actually scored some pretty sweet deals by being on this list and I think she secretly enjoys the thrill of responding to a "FREE such-and-such!" e-mail seconds after it materializes in her inbox.
Ok, so it's not a secret. She talks about it all the time.
She often sends the deals my way if she thinks they're something I'd be interested in, so I'm used to seeing those forwards in my inbox. Not gonna lie, I kinda get excited about them, too. Especially when the word "FREE" is in the subject line. Who can resist free crap? NO ONE.
Anyway, yesterday she sent me an e-mail that someone had posted earlier that day. This was her message to me:
"Jenna,
I didn't forward this to you to see if you want to buy any of these, but
look how sad this email is after watching the movie Toy Story [3]. It
almost seems like a joke!"
Below that, the original message read:
"My son is selling his Toy Story toys.
Big buzz light year talking $15
Stuffed Woody $8
RC car $8
Medium sized Jesse, woody, bullseye the horse, Hamm the pig, Rex the dinosaur $5 each
Small buzz (3), woody, Hamm, bullseye, stretch the dog (2) $1 each."
And the seller included this picture:
I didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or weep over this tragic e-mail. Apparently, this seller never saw the latest Toy Story installment which made all of us bawl our eyes out. I wonder if her son's name is Andy and he's heading off to college soon ...
To the lady who originally sent this out --
I don't know you, but I beg you, KEEP THE TOYS! In case you've been living under a rock for the past, oh, 17 years, these guys come alive when you're not looking (duh). If you choose to follow through with this act of savagery, they will be forced to find a way out of your awful scheme. And their escape may involve inadvertently getting picked up by a garbage truck and sent to the dump where they will be burned ALIVE!!!!! unless the green aliens show up to save them.
And don't even THINK about donating them to the nearest day care instead! Especially if said day care includes a magenta stuffed bear and a Ken doll who sounds an awful lot like Michael Keaton. Those toys have major chips on their shoulders from spending one too many days with slobbering ill-behaved hellions and, as a result, have turned into pure EVIL.
Your kid may not love Woody, Buzz and their cohorts anymore, but they still love him. And they always will. So please, for the love of all that is good and holy, KEEP THE TOYS! If only for your future grandchildren (who will hopefully not be slobbery, ill-behaved hellions).
Sincerely, A toy-lover who still hasn't forgiven her mother for donating her favorite stuffed Phoenix Suns bear to DI.
Didn't expect becoming a toy rights activist this morning! Whew.
Don't forget about the My Memories giveaway I posted earlier! It ends next Tuesday!Very low entry count so far so your odds are likely good.
After Thanksgiving, I start listening to a local radio station that plays Christmas music non-stop. It's pretty fun and gets me excited for the season, plus my kids love it. I enjoy most Christmas music, but some of the most popular songs are just plain disastrous to me. Notice how I said, "to me," because I'm sure many of you totally adore these songs. I hope we can still be friends even though our tastes in Christmas music differ.
I've created this list so you can see what annoys me (and hopefully not use it as a means of torture later). So as not to be a total Scrooge, though, I will also include a "silver lining" after each video link. Something slightly redeeming about the song. I'm not a total pessimist, see? I can find the good in anything!
Anyhoo, let's begin.
1. "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer." So, when I was a kid, I thought this song was kind of funny -- drunk Grandma gets squashed by Santa's reindeer and is left with hoofprints on her forehead. But then I started envisioning my own grandma getting ran over by a reindeer while walking home on the quaint streets of Caldwell, Idaho on Christmas Eve, and well, that ruined it for me. Don't let the jaunty beat fool you -- this song is truly depressing. And way to go, Santa, for letting your out-of-control pets ruin someone else's Christmas.
Silver lining: Warns against the dangers of drug and/or alcohol abuse. Grandmas, drink your egg nog responsibly.
2. "Baby, It's Cold Outside." First off, this is hardly a Christmas song. More like a winter song. But anyway, that's not what irks me about this little ditty. It's the creeptacular way the punch-drunk dude relentlessly tries to convince his love interest to stay at his house (perhaps after a party) due to unexpected frigid weather. Even though she repeatedly tells him she "the answer is 'NO'." Sir, let the girl GO already! Your desperation is probably freaking her out. The next step is a restraining order.
And then, in the middle of the song she asks, unprompted, "Say, what's in this drink?" Is she suddenly curious about the type of liquor in the cocktail, trying to change the subject of his intense desire for her, or does she sense she's getting roofied? In any case, it seems like the guy wins and she stays the night at the end of the song. I kind of feel like "Let It Snow" basically accomplishes the same feeling of weather-induced romantic giddiness without the undertones of sexual coercion and loose drunkenness. But I could be wrong.
Silver lining: Will Ferrel singing this with Zooey Deschanel in Elf is freaking hilarious.
3. "Last Christmas." Dear Taylor Swift, Ashley Tisdale, Jimmy Eat World and the cast of Glee: No amount of remixing is going to make this song awesome. And I like a lot of WHAM!'s stuff, but this one is not amongst their finest works of art. It's not even a Christmas song, really, besides the fact the event in question took place on a Christmas. Last Christmas, to be exact.
Listen, George Michael. I get that you're sad your girlfriend used you as a shoulder to cry on and nothing more. But seriously, it's creepy. A whole year has passed and you're still blubbering about it? Have some egg nog (but not too much -- don't want to end up like Grandma!) and move on already.
Now, for the hysterical '80's-tastic video. Love the hair, George.
Silver Lining: Best shot in this cheesy video is at 1:26. George, you sure wear that fluffy Eskimo coat well. Emo before it was cool.
4. "I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas." Which should be sub-titled, "I'm A Self-Centered Brat Who Makes Unreasonable Demands." Yikes. I'm not wholly against wishing for hippopotamus...es (hippopotami?) for Christmas, but do you have to be so insufferably witchy about it? Really, only a hippopotamus will do? What about an iPad? They probably cost just as much but they won't eat your face off.
Beside the fact the singer's voice makes my ears bleed, this is just a dumb song. Sorry if you love it. I feel like it needs to go the way of the Twinkie ASAP.
Silver lining: The lines, Mom says a hippo would eat me up but then / Teacher says the hippo is a vegetarian. Most excellent rhyming right there.
5. "Santa, Baby." This is the hippopotamus lover all grown up, but this time she's trying to seduce Santa into giving her a bunch of expensive crap. A convertible -- light blue. A yacht. Decorations from Tiffany's. THE DEED to a PLATINUM MINE. I mean, really? Christmas is for kids. If you're an adult, go buy your own flapping platinum mine. Stop draining Santa's funds. Yanno? Plus, the singer's sultry tone suggests she's probably be on the naughty list, anyway. Maybe she'll find a diamond in her lump of coal.
Silver lining: The contrast between the straight rhythm interlude between verses and the swung rhythm of the rest of the song. Music geek alert!!!
It'd probably be a nice, anti-Scrooge thing to make a "Five Favorite Christmas Songs" list too, huh? Be on the lookout for that.
Watch out, Kat Von D. -- Bubby is the freshest tattoo artist on the scene these days. Take a gander at her fine work:
Check out those leg tats! Smokin'.
She even does facial tattoos! See?
What a superb-looking H she did on Barbie's cheek. What does it stand for? "Hottie?" "Harlot?" Probably "Hot Mess." (I'm not so sure about that eyeshadow. A little much, perhaps?)
Not only is Bubby super-talented, but she's discreet. I had no idea Barbie was getting some fresh ink. Then BAM! Barbie needed help with a wardrobe change and there it is! So subtle. I barely noticed it.
And Bubby's quite modest, too. She wouldn't even take credit for her work, trying to pass it off as Buckwheat's. But I know better -- Buckwheat can't draw H's as adeptly as Bubby can. This was definitely her masterpiece; not his. P.S.: Grammy, just be glad she did this and got in trouble for it BEFORE receiving your birthday gift next week. Yikes.
I'm definitely NOT a Twi-Hard ... I tried to like Twilight, I really did, but ... it's just not my thing. And that's OK. I'm sure there are people out there who dislike The Hunger Games and Harry Potter.
Ok, so no one dislikes Harry Potter. But you get my drift.
Anyway, maybe my disdain for Twilight allowed me to fully appreciate this video. Or maybe not. Maybe it's freaking funny either way, whether you're on Team Edward or Team Jacob or Team Twilight-Must-Die. I guess you'll have to watch it to find out.
And speaking of YA literature ... don't forget to enter my book giveaway! It ends tonight!
So, my husband's back from the land of Goshen and he's a new man without all that beard. Dill looks amazing. This may be TMI but I can't stop kissing his super-smooth new face. I suppose I'm just making up for the five-month dry spell. Yes, he grew his hair and beard out for nearly half a year. I guess it was worth it, though, because he got to sit right next to Jesus during filming last Tuesday (I'm telling myself his massive beard influenced this outcome). I sure hope they don't have to re-shoot that scene because he'll DEFINITELY be in it!
Of course, Dill could hardly wait to get rid of the wild animal on his face, so Friday evening after I got back from this semester's first choir rehearsal, we went to work.Since he did mustaches last time, he decided to try out various beard styles. Seneca Crane was unfortunately going to be impossible, though we may try again for Halloween. It was still quite fun to see Dill's face change as it went through different phases.
Well, have a look for yourself.
The Wooly Mammoth.
Serj Tankian, maybe? That's actually kinda creepy. And I'm not sure about the shirt change.
Chin curtain.
Puffball goatee (aka We Didn't Know What We Were Doing)
Trimmed-down goatee (I could go for this, I think).
And finally ...
Ta-da!!! Amazing! (No Justin Bieber this time; sorry)
Wait until you see him with his new haircut, too. Looks like the man I married! No wonder I can't stop smooching on him.
Do you ever start going through your pictures folder on your computer and find a bunch of pictures you'd almost forgotten about? I do. All the time. It's so fun to be able to "ooh" and "aah" over cute babies of yore, reminisce about special occasions and laugh hysterically over funny memories.
Here are some I dug out of yester-year. Enjoy!
Me a few days before my wedding while we were having our "groomals" done. My mom took it with a disposable camera. Awesome, huh? It's all super-cool-vintage now.
I have naturally-massive hair. One day, in 2006, I was getting ready for bed and took my hair out of an updo and this was the result. I was clearly made for the '80's.
Around the same time as the big hair picture, I was working at a print shop on campus and made Dill a Yoda shirt. He's a huge Star Wars nerd. He still has it and wears it to play church basketball sometimes.
By the way, WOW. My husband is handsome.
One time, we thought it would be hi-freaking-larious to put our baby in her Christmas stocking. It was a little snug, but she fit! Dill's cousin Liz took the picture and said, "It's like a tight dress!" Poor Bubby.
Never mind the horrible '90's teal carpet -- the real laugh factor is Bubby's pose. She was learning to walk and had gotten stuck in a precarious place. Of course, I had to snap a picture before saving her life. Mom of the Year, you know.
I can't even ...
A tender moment between my two littles. (One, two , three:) Awwwww!
We like to have fun at our kids' expense. Locals will know this is at Rockin' R Ranch in Mesa.
That face ...
Post your favorite old pictures and link in the comments! I'll probably even post the link on my blog. ;)
2. "I got first glasses." I don't know what to make of this query. Do you mean, "I got glasses first?" I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you probably didn't, unless you are a 726-year-old Italian. Perhaps you meant "I got THE first glasses." In that case, wow. Those things are super-vintage. You are the Supreme Hipster of the Universe (and you should probably contact the Smithsonian, too). I bow my bun-clad head to you.
Speaking of which ...
3. "Cute hipster buns." Why, thank you! Oh, wait. You were looking for a different kind of hipster buns. The kind which are usually clad in ironic pants of some sort. Alright, here you go:
Now your butt can be a hipster, too! All for the amazingly low price of $34.99! You're welcome.
4. "Coral chevron bedding." I wish. I still haven't updated my bedroom since this post. Well, actually, I take that back. I bought a cute little burnt orange pillow and this striped blanket from IKEA and threw 'em on my bed. Now it looks a teeny bit cuter.
Anyway, if you want coral chevron bedding, my guess is you're going to have to enlist the help of a professional seamstress which I unfortunately am not. In the meantime, I need new bedding. Really. It's starting to rip and look sad and Buckwheat drew on my comforter with a pen last month. Waah.
5. "Cannot resist twizzlers." I feel your pain. Really, I do. Just remember they're basically lightly-flavored wax and they'll probably block you up for a week if you eat too many.
Did I just go too far? I did.
Alright, what are people looking for on your blogs? You can see your own stats by going into your Dashboard, clicking on the "Stats" tab and then clicking on the link for "Traffic
Sources." Scroll down and there they'll be!
Like many other women (and men -- don't want to discriminate!) out there, I love Pinterest. Even though I intend to do exactly nothing with 90% of the things I pin, I still enjoy perusing the site for ideas and inspiration.
Plus, have you noticed how everything on Pinterest is "so easy"? Like, too easy to be true? It's highly encouraging for a craft dummy like myself. I feel like if I found it on Pinterest, I can definitely do it. Even though I really can't. Pinterest is an excellent self-esteem booster, so long as you don't actually try to do anything you find.
Sometimes, though, I come across pins that make me wonder about the sanity (or at least the blood alcohol level) of the pinner. Example:
Striped ice cubes. STRIPED THINGS THAT TAKE DAYS TO MAKE AND MINUTES TO MELT. Because that just makes loads of sense.
The caption says, "Nothing says party time like striped ice cubes!" Replace "party time" with "I'm so out of touch with reality it's not even funny" and truer words have never been typed into a caption.
Also, they might want to add "time sensitive" to the description.
Second: It's made of yarn. YARN. I mean, yarn looks identical to human hair. No one will be the wiser. Right?
Third: as a yarn product, I can only imagine it's both incredibly warm and heavy. You should probably only put it on your kid if they have an incredibly beefy neck and you live in a sub-zero climate.
I know! Make your kids' lunches extra-special! Use your spare time oh-so-efficiently!
I guess this is one way to quit that nasty nail-biting habit you've had for years. Unless you enjoy eating kiwi skins. Mmm.
The funniest part of this pin is the woman who originally blogged it ("The PolishAholic") intended it as a joke. Thanks, Pinterest, for making it an unfortunate reality.
I think I've already blogged about the first time I found a gray hair on Dill's head. Instead of mourning his youthfulness as many women would, I actually got pretty excited. My husband's going to be SO HOT when he's old! I thought. Don't get me wrong; he's hot now. But I've always found the "silver fox" look to be quite debonair and handsome. Often, more handsome than normal-colored hair. Is that weird?
By the way, I'm not quite 25. Now is it weird?
There's just something about the implied wisdom of graying hair that makes me think, "Me-OW." Sorry, can't help it.
I used to like him better when he was less liberal and just plain funny on The Daily Show, but let's face it -- Jon Stewart is hilarious. And smart. And that smile? For goodness' sake, it's a mile wide.
I know he allegedly "plays for the other team" if you catch my drift, but that doesn't stop him from being one of the most handsome journalists ever. Plus, I love his tweets.
I confess -- I used to stay up late listening to Loveline when I was in high school. I always thought Dr. Drew sounded like a dashing fellow on the radio. And then I saw his picture.
The End.
P.S.: Dr. Drew says he went gray when his triplets were born. Valid excuse, methinks.
2.Mitt Romney
First of all: Did you know he's in his mid-60's? Yeah, stick that in your pipe and smoke it (or, don't -- that's probably how Mitt stays so youthful-looking, being a Mormon and all).
I'm just going to come right out and say it: I like Mitt Romney. I think he's a good guy and I agree with most of his politics. Not that I don't like some of the other candidates (except Newt -- he's just gross.) But Mitt's my top pick.
My mom, though, is a MITT ROMNEYSUPER FAN. She reads every Web article published about Mitt every day, watches every Republican debate religiously and tunes into Fox News for Mitt updates like it's necessary for survival. In fact, I set her up with a Twitter account yesterday and among the 15 people she's following, one is, of course, @MittRomney.
She's pretty die-hard, yeah. About as crazy about him as I was about the Backstreet Boys in 7th grade. (I may or may not have raced home from school to every day to ensure the Boys had the #1 video spot on the TRL countdown. And I will neither confirm nor deny planning my eventual wedding to Nick Carter.)
Anyway, when I found out Mitt Romney was throwing a rally in Mesa Monday night, I knew Mom would not be able to resist going. And since I wanted to go but didn't think it wise to show up to a crowd of 5,000 people alone with two kids (Dill was working), I invited her to come along. As you can imagine, it was not difficult to get her to accept the invitation.
She and my little sister Emma met the kids and me at the Mesa Amphitheatre for a glimpse at our main man, Mitt. We even convinced Dill (a Ron Paul man) to meet us later.
Mittens Romney's #1 Fan with Smush!
Emma and I braved our way to the front of the crowd so we could get a good shot of Mr. Romney.
Unfortunately, we were too far to the side of the stage to have a chance to shake his hand. But we did get some decent pictures.
Sorry, but I just have to point out the irony of the tattoo and Budweiser True Music ads behind him. Cracks me up.
Mom was about three rows back but closer to the center. Since she is so hardcore, she totally jumped over everyone to shake Mitt's hand as he was greeting the crowd. What the heck. She needs to come to a Jimmy Eat World concert with me sometime.
The one downside of the rally: the music. A bunch of 40-something dudes in bowling shirts playing mediocre covers of 80's and 90's hits. The crowd cheered loudly every time a song ended, not because it stirred us to applause, but because we thought for SURE it would be Mitt's turn to take over the mic.
You know who I'd like to see playing at a Republican rally? The Aquabats. In their bat suits and all. That would be super rad.
Have you ever been chowing down on something and then had the thought, "This is so nasty but I can't stop eating it?" If you're a human being, probably. If you're an animal, woof woof chirp chirp meow (I hope you speak English).
But anyway, I was eating some (read: too many) Tootsie Rolls last night when the thought occurred to me that Tootsie Rolls are kind of ... gross. They don't have much flavor and the consistency is a little plasticky. According to Wikipedia, they contain "sugar, corn syrup, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, condensed milk, artificial cocoa flavoring, whey, soy lecithin, orange extract, and natural and artificial flavors." The first three ingredients are HUGE nutritional no-no's (partially hydrogenated ANYTHING = trans fat) and then, what? Artifical cocoa flavoring? You mean, FAKE CHOCOLATE. Don't church it up. Also, I own some soy lecithin and it's just another type of oil. And orange extract?! Who knew?
But, I'm ashamed (or maybe not so ashamed) to admit that I ate roughly 20 Midgees in one sitting. Because they are so good, I can't stop eating them no matter how bad for you they really are.
Here's my list of "Gross Things Jenna Can't Resist Eating." Feel free to make your own and link up.
1. Hot n' Spicy McChicken. I have a love/hate relationship with the $1 Hot 'n Spicy from Mickey D's. Remember how this sandwich put me into labor with Smush? Yep, my Hot 'n Spicy habit started long before that. I used to eat them bi-weekly in high school -- I was obsessed. But they are extremely spicy and usually give me heartburn. And when you think about what they really are, it's kind of disgusting: two dry, basic buns; a thin, "chicken" patty coated in the spiciest breading known to mankind; limp, lifeless shredded lettuce and heaps of mayonnaise. Yumm-o!
But for some reason, whenever I go to McDonald's, I can't bring myself to order anything else. Even if I have to inhale it in three bites to avoid massive burns on my esophagus.
2. Puffy Cheetos. In college, I worked at the BYU Bindery. Which is exactly what it sounds like -- a place where books are bound. It's this noisy warehouse located at the north end of campus. It wasn't exactly slave labor but it was pretty close, and I almost lost my finger to a conveyor belt one day. But I needed a job so I took it.
Anyway, at the bindery we had this huge tarp-bag with a tube on the end hanging from above and it was filllllllled with biodegradable packing peanuts.We'd use it to pack boxes of books and things for safe travel. One day, one of my co-workers decided that our packing peanuts looked mysteriously like puffy Cheetos, minus the orange cheesy dust. So as an experiment, he took a bite of one as the rest of us looked on in awe. His conclusion: "Yep, puffy Cheetos minus the orange cheesy dust."
3. Twizzlers. Is it just me, or are Twizzlers basically wax mixed with a little sugar and flavoring? I decided to do a little investigating and found that the Twizzlers Web site is (perhaps intentionally) cryptic about the ingredients of their product. See for yourself. Guess I'll have to buy a package to find out! Not that I'll mind.
4. Conversation Hearts. Every year around the middle of January, I start buying those Brach's Conversation Hearts to put in a candy dish on the kitchen counter, and EVERY YEAR I end up having to buy about 10 bags to keep the dish replenished because I am a Conversation Heart addict. It's true. What are they, packed sugar in the form of a heart? Yet I cannot stop eating them. But why??? They're not even that good and they wind up stale within a day of opening the bag.
5. Canned cheese. I'm beyond embarrassed to admit this, but one time I bought a can of Easy Cheese and I ate the WHOLE THING that night. In one sitting. I don't even think I used crackers -- I just stuck the spout in my mouth and chugged it down! WHY?! It's an aerosol can of CHEESE-LIKE substance. And it's "easy." Why couldn't I have indulged in a cheese that's willing to play hard to get?
Take a look at the nutrition facts. "Cheese" is listed as the second-to-last ingredient. Which means, if my memory of 4th grade science serves me right, there isn't a whole lot of actual cheese in there. Also: one can contains 630 calories.
Have you seen those "Sh*t ____ People Say" videos and memes going around the Internet? They're pretty funny and true to life. But none are more clever or hilarious than this one.
Enjoy, and have a happy Friday AND three-day weekend!
Add your own things that nobody says in the comments. I'll start:
The first time I ever saw Dill, I thought, "Dang! That is one fine lookin' son-of-a-gun!" Tall, dark and handsome. Our first encounter was a blind date, and afterwards I felt like maybe I should play the lottery or at least buy a Scratchers card. That kind of luck is not to be had on 99% of blind dates. Fact.
The second time we went out, Dill drove us to a church function. That was the first time I'd ever really seen his profile, since I was riding in the passenger seat. At one point I looked over to sneak a peek of his handsomeness when I suddenly thought, "Holy crap, I'm dating Tom Cruise how did that happen?!"
I mean, seriously. And apparently EVERYONE agrees. Co-workers, family members, even his fellow background players from the Life of Christ Bible Videos. I often finish people's sentences when they say, "Oh wow, your husband looks just like -- "
Me: "--Tom Cruise, I know."
And then they are astonished by my Legilimency skillz.
Last night while brushing our teeth, Dill and I were talking about his uncanny resemblance to Mr. Cruise and Dill said, "You know, I probably could be his stunt double!" To which I thought, No, because Tom is really short and you are not.
It's funny, though, because prior to meeting Dill I was frequently told I looked like Nicole Kidman. You know, the stunning Australian actress who was married to Tom Cruise for forever.
I'll take it!
At the time Dill and I began dating, Tom and Nicole were already a thing of the past so I tried not to draw attention to our resemblance. Bad omen, since our celebrity doppelgängers were fated for divorce and all.
(For the record, I look nothing like Katie Holmes. In case there was any doubt.)
But if anyone was truly heartbroken about the demise of Tom and Nicole, take heart -- their marriage lives on in us!
Behold the phrase that someone had the wherewithal to so kindly type into Google today:
"laqrge unedited pictures of ugly faces"
Thanks to Google Stats, I happen to know that nice little phrase took them to MY BLOG. And straight to this picture:
Sweet.
The good news is, this benevolent person doesn't know how to spell the word "large." You can fix pizza face, you know ...
Also, a recent increase in "unedited face picture" searches leading to my site might mean that there are now loads of beautifully Photoshopped pictures of me floating around the Interwebz. Or maybe hideously Photoshopped pictures. The world may never know.
It feels like Christmas when I open my stats to see where my blog traffic is coming from (does that make me incredibly nerdy? Don't answer). Some of these search terms slay me, they're so hilarious. Have a look for yourself!
1) Arab beards. Yes, I'm pretty sure this query led the curious searcher to Dill's multitude of beard pictures, located here. They were probably pretty disappointed to find a lumberjack beard instead of an Arab beard. Close, but no cigar.
Boy, am I glad that thing's gone. Although, it might be making a return next spring! Details forthcoming.
2. Birthday. Ok, this one's not really weird, just starkly ... generic. Maybe the person was having a rough day and needed a little birthday cheer to brighten things up? I only wonder how many pages of search results they waded through before they clicked on MY little blog. (Something to figure out when I have nothing to do -- like THAT day will ever come.) I bet they weren't disappointed by Bubby's rockin' princess party, though. An affair to remember, that one.
3. Plex from Yo Gabba Gabba and every freaking variation therof. Ever since I posted about Plex's mouth I've had a steady stream of visitors looking for the whimsical yellow robot of Yo Gabba Gabba. He must be a pretty popular dude. Either that, or everyone else is just as perPLEXed as I am about his mouth-neck situation. For the record, I'm starting to see the mouth when I watch the show. Which only happens every day of my life.
4. Sister wives outfits. So there was that one time I layered my shirts like the Sister Wives do -- short sleeves over long sleeves. Please note: While I am a Mormon, I am NOT a polygamist. If you came here looking for a real-life sister wife, I'm sorry to disappoint you. However, I'd definitely be in the running for Smokin' Hot Wife if I joined the Brown clan. Watch out, Robyn!
What are people searching for to get to your blog? Find out by logging into your dashboard, clicking on the Stats link and choosing "Traffic Sources" from the list below.
Oh, and please check out my friend Jessica's darling knitted hats by clicking on the yellow button over yonder. --> So glad I have crafty friends to make up for my severe lack of skillz in that department!
You know my handsome, sweet, amazing, all-other-gag-worthy-modifiers husband Dill?
(Ahem, insert mandatory super-cute picture:)
Before yesterday, Dill couldn't breathe through both nostrils simultaneously like the rest of us cool people. You see, his septum -- that thing that divides your nostrils -- had been crooked (aka "deviated") for many years and this situation wasn't making nasal respiration easy for him.
So yesterday, he got that there septum fixed! Yaaaay.
It was a cakewalk for me. I dropped him off in the wee morning hours and then they called me to come get him when he was done. We live about five minutes from the hospital where this all went down which was highly convenient.
Here's the funny part: I, the woman who has given birth to not one but TWO children, who has been sliced open while awake and has seen her own blood smeared across an entire delivery room ... I took one look at Dill in his hospital gown and bloody gauze dressing and yes, I started getting lightheaded and blacking out.
I can't make this stuff up.
The nurse was relaying all the discharge information to me when I suddenly felt warm and heard that all-too-familiar buzzing in my ears. Having passed out many times before, I quickly told the nurse it was getting hot in there and I was seeing stars and then my butt found the closest chair. Within seconds, another nurse came in with a cold, wet rag and a Styrofoam cup of apple juice. Nurses take this fainting business seriously, I guess.
How embarrrrrrrrassing. I mean, I wasn't the one who'd had her nose hacked into just hours before. And yet I had the nerve to get queasy and require medical attention! Oh man! I'll never live this down.
In the meantime, I'm playing nurse (not naughty nurse; get yo' mind outta the gutter!) to my recovering husband. It's extremely sexy, changing bloody dressings and dispensing his pills. Let me tell you.
One thing we know for sure is I could never be a REAL nurse. I'd probably spend more time with my head between my knees drinking apple juice than actually tending to sick people.
I've said it once and I'll say it again: Nurses are saints.
Any tips to speed up Dill's recovery? Or maybe some embarrassing stories to help me feel better, since my ego is clearly wounded.
P.S. That weird-o alien circle is still on my face. It dried up and flaked off last night, but the pink outline is still there. Starting to freak me out.
