Things I don't get.

My friend Crystal recently posted about all the weird things she doesn't "get," including Lady Gaga, pierced baby ears and cloth diapers. Go here to read about it. Crystal's really opinionated and doesn't care what people think. She's awesome!

(I could learn a lesson or two from her, apparently.)

Crystal inspired me to create my own list of things I don't "get." I've kind of done this before, but let's face it -- the world is overflowing with weird, uncomfortable and/or mind-boggling things. So let's blog about 'em! Even if we already did just a few months ago!

1. Camping. I have never liked to camp, as in pitch a tent in the wilderness with no running water or electricity. I have tried time and time again and I have concluded I just don't do well in the woods. First of all, running water is a must for me. I don't know about you, but I like to have clean hands for eating, flossing my teeth and taking contacts out of my eyeballs. Among other things. And Wet Ones and hand sanitizer DO NOT CUT IT. Clean hands = running warm water, soap and a clean towel. Second, every time I go camping I start my period. Which is super fun in the middle of the woods with no running water. Third, I hate bugs and the woods are literally crawling with them. So, no camping for me. However, I do enjoy a woodland cabin retreat, complete with running water and electricity. That's my idea of camping.

I realize I'm going to have a hard time surviving in an apocalypse. Please, don't remind me.

2. Low-rise pants. You all know how frustrated I am about not being able to find jeans that fit me. Half of this frustration comes from the fact 99% of pants that are cute are way too freaking low. I am not a rail-thin supermodel/13-year-old, Pants Manufacturers of the World. I've carried small people in my body and I cannot wear your low pants. I don't want my butt crack hanging out. I don't want the button at my boobs, either, but can we please compromise? Right now it's like Grandma Pants or Hooker Pants are the only pants in existence. Those are my choices.

But seriously, low-rise jeans are so Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera early 2000's. Remember how 10 years ago, you were sitting in math class and suddenly, your eyes were seared right out of their sockets when they happened to fall upon some chick's thong hanging out of her pants? WHEN HAS THAT EVER BEEN ACCEPTABLE? Please, low-rise pants, GO AWAY and never come back. I'm convinced you contributed to my near-sightedness. Too many nasty thong-sightings in junior high and high school.

3. Super-high-heeled shoes. Ladies, help me understand. I really want to like these shoes. You know what I am talking about:

So sexy and cute, right?

But they HURT so dang much!!!

I own a pair of heels quite like these. I bought them for my brother's wedding a few years back, thinking I'd look amazing and knock everyone dead with my sexiness. Turns out I could only wear them in 15-minute increments before I felt like I needed an ambulance. And the way I have to walk to avoid falling over/twisting my ankle is anything BUT sexy.

Maybe it's because I don't work out. Maybe it's because I have weak ankles. Maybe I'm just a wuss, plain and simple. I can't figure it out. But these shoes are not meant for me and never will be. You young cute thangs can go ahead and wear them on my behalf because I am simply incapable.

4. Facebook games/apps. Farmville, Mafia Wars, Zoo World, Gnome Garden Hookerville World, whatever it is ... I don't want it. Please, PLEEEEEEASE don't send me a request for this if we are Facebook friends. I will probably never play. And I will definitely judge you if I see that you're indulging in these timesuck-games in my news feed. Kidding (kind of).

But truthfully, I have enough anxiety in my life over real money and people. I don't need the added stress over fake people and fake money.

5. Caillou. Please tell me you have seen this, the weirdest and most annoying kids' show ever. (If you haven't, consider yourself lucky.) The premise seems innocent enough -- a young preschooler and the adventures he has with his toddler sister, parents and friends. But there's a catch: this kid is WHINY. To the max. His voice is grating. It's like nails on a chalkboard. No, it's like GRATING A CHALKBOARD. He cries/whines about everything. Happy, sad, mad, scared, excited, bummed out ... it doesn't matter. He's whining away. It's uncomfortable. I'm embarrassed for Caillou's parents, which is saying something because they are animated fictitious people. If you don't believe in corporal punishment, you might make an exception for Caillou. I'm just sayin.'

But the worst part about Caillou is how much my kids love it. Smush just stares like he's in a trance when Caillou's on (maybe he's a hypnotist masquerading as a whiny brat? Plausible ... ). Plus, the show airs at 7:30 in the morning and sometimes I need a few more minutes of sleep at that time so I turn it on. But I don't know why I even bother since the freaking kid's obnoxious bleating keeps me awake anyway.

What don't YOU get?