Facebook jerks.

I've told you before that I LOVE Facebook. It feeds my wedding obsession, keeps me connected to all those people who never said a word to me in high school and provides me with comedy more often than I could ever hope. So it's pretty much a winning concept in my book, no matter how many times Mark Zuckerberg decides to mutilate it.

But enough of the unsolicited Zuck hatred, right? It's not like we're paying for it.

Anyway, Facebook is also really good at satiating my drama cravings. Facebook's the new Jerry Springer, only you might actually know the people who are going head-to-head and NO COMMERCIALS.

(I do miss the rowdy crowd-chanting, though. "JERRY! JERRY!")

It seems like some people log on solely to be mean-jerkfaces or to put up their dukes. So unfortunate, considering all the wonderful wedding, baby and fashion pictures at which there are to gawk.

Let's start with the one-uppers. Their posts aren't outright rude, but it's obvious they're desperate to inflate their own egos by making everyone else look bad. For instance, you post something like, "My son just took his first steps! YAY!" One-Upper replies, "My daughter was walking at 8 months. Then, she ran a half marathon before she turned 2. Congrats, tho!"

Uh ... thanks ... !

There are also those Facebookers who, without fail, turn even the most benign status updates and pictures into something alarming or tragic. You know what I'm talking about -- I call them fun-suckers. For instance, a woman posts a picture of her cute toddler in a baby wading pool on a sunny summer day and Fun-Sucker says, "Hope she doesn't develop melanoma from such irresponsible sun exposure." Or maybe someone posts, "I'm having spaghetti for dinner tonight" and Fun-Sucker replies, "It better be gluten-free and organic. Otherwise, you can kiss your digestive system goodbye."

Here's some advice: If you make a comment on something and everyone else's comments are nice and supportive while yours is a direct quote from Debbie Downer, something is WRONG with you.

(Wah-WAAAAAH)

Oh yeah, and adding "LOL" only adds insult to injury. So just don't do it.

Then, there's those Facebook users who refuse to lose an argument. They just don't know how to quit. Letting go of a debate is not in their program. I'm all for some healthy back-and-forth once in a while, but come on -- leaving 14 humongous and obnoxious comments about Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan on someone else's Wall is not a sign of genius; it's a sign that you didn't get enough attention as a child. MOVE ON, before you develop carpal tunnel syndrome.

Here are 10 things you can do instead of being a jerk on Facebook. I call them my "I Spent Too Much Time Arguing on Facebook and Now My Head Hurts and I'm Grumpy -- What Should I Do?" list:

1) Watch "Yo Gabba Gabba!"
2) Bake cookies
3) Read Harry Potter
4) Make a tulle wreath
5) Play with your kids
6) Do your homework
7) Paint your toenails
8) Read my blog
9) Have a nice conversation with your husband or wife
10) Take a nap, Grumpyface

All are sure to make you feel better, especially #8. LOL.

Question of the Day: What are your Facebook peeves?