Oh, hai.

It's been about 50 years since I last posted. Bapa (Dill's grandfather) gave me a hard time about it on Sunday. I wish I could say I've been super-busy, but in reality, I just haven't been feeling all that great. I know, "Someone call the waaaaaaahmbulance. Please." But hear me out.

Back in June, I had my IUD removed. Now, don't get too excited over there. I see you thinking "Oh, Jenna's WITH CHILD!" I'm not. I just didn't feel right about having an IUD anymore. I was experiencing irregular bleeding + teenage angst and decided after three years, it was time to ditch the thing. Well, imagine my surprise when the doctor tried to take it out and uttered the words, "It's embedded." Boy, was that a picnic or what. A couple tugs, yanks and agonizing minutes later, thar she was. Thank goodness its removal didn't warrant a more complicated procedure, but it sure left me second-guessing the birth control method I formerly praised to high heavens. And I also won a bonus prize of cramping, bleeding and the likes for a whole week after. Yey!

So, after that worked itself out and I started my juice-capades, I was feeling really great. High on life kinda great. Until I somehow injured my neck. In my sleep. Woke up and it was stuck to the side, the surrounding muscles rock-solid. This persisted for over two weeks. I was so desperate, I actually sewed myself a rice bag. Yes, the girl who doesn't sew fashioned a rice bag with her bare hands. I don't even own a sewing machine; I busted out the needle and thread and pioneer-womaned the crap out of an old BYU T-shirt. It's actually quite amazing and I've only had to repair it once since I created it.

But what really saved me during this crazy neck ordeal was this:

Doctor Hoy's: the stuff dreams are made of.

How do I describe Doctor Hoy's pain relief gel? I don't want to compare it to IcyHot because it works about a billion times better and doesn't stink. But I guess it's similar in that you rub it on your sore muscles and joints when they hurt. And it feels soooooooo niiiiiiiiice. It's also super-potent and made of the finest ingredients -- a little goes a long way. So don't cry when you see the price because it is worth every penny. (If you're local, you can skip the shipping and buy it at The Book Rack on Signal Butte and US-60.)

By the way, I'm not getting paid to say any of this. But the woman who owns this company is a personal friend of mine, and she's a total rock star. I'm happy to vouch for her product of miracles.

Ok. Where were we in Jenna's Ultimate Sob Story? Ah, yes. After my neck decided to start functioning normally again: ALLERGIES. I should have known after all that rain rolled in that plants would finally bloom again and my lymph nodes would freak out. I take Zyrtec for my allergies, which also knocks me out cold. So cold that I slept until almost 11 in the morning on Sunday and then felt like a brain-deprived zombie the rest of the day. Though it paralyzes me with fatigue, Zyrtec alleviates all of my allergy symptoms except one: I ALWAYS go hoarse. No matter how hard I try not to speak. I've accepted the fact that 3-4 times a year, I will sound like Gollum. It's my fate.

As you may have guessed, this sob story stops right now, with me in yoga pants and my comfy old Jimmy Eat World shirt, feeling a bit like death warmed over, taking the time to update you (Bapa) on the pitiful current happenings of Mom, the Intern. I hope it was worth your time.

Probably not.