Wednesday, March 9, 2011

&%#$! jeans.

Find me a pair of jeans that:

-do not contain any spandex (the fabric of Satan!)
-hold my loose-skin muffin top in but don't give me a front butt
-are dark wash
-are NOT 3 feet too long
-don't bag out and fall down after 5 minutes of wear
-cost less than $50

Ready, set, GO!

But seriously. I cannot be alone in my request. Can I get an "amen?" Anyone?

I am tired of searching endlessly for this unicorn that does not exist. The Perfect Jeans that Make My Butt Look Awesome and Don't Cost My Firstborn.

You wanna know why SAHM's live in sweatpants? Because pulling up your baggy, saggy, ill-fitting jeans 5,423 times a day gets old really, REALLY fast. And if you're going to resort to sweatpants, why bother with a nice top? Hence, the holey, stained, "comfy" T-shirts so common to the mom crowd. And if you're gonna dress like a total schlub, why bother with your hair or make-up? Or showering, for that matter?

You see? There you have it: JEANS ARE TO BLAME for the stay-at-home-mom fashion crisis known as frumpy-ness. I stand by my hypothesis.

Maybe those Pajama Jeans aren't such a bad idea after all.

--Currently wearing my brother's high school gym shorts,


  1. Have you tried Express? I seriously love their jeans. They are a little on the pricey side but I get coupons for buy one get one 50% off and that makes it worth while. :) They have Regular, Long, and Short styles so you can get the length you want. And my muffin top gets tucked safely into them and they take 3-4 all day wearings before they start sagging. :) And I have a VERY dark wash. :) Seriously though, go try on a pair.

  2. Angee, what cut do you get? I tried some on there last year and they were all super-low. Maybe I didn't try the right style on?

  3. i thought you had some jeans you loved? weren't they from banana republic or something?
    i am one that wears sweat pants every day unless i leave the house, so i can't really help you out here!

  4. GAP. Especially because they do the whole "40% off days" so often, that you can get a rockin' pair of jeans for around $40ish. They have so many different cuts and lengths AND fabrics that I think Gap is definitely your best bet girlfriend. I'll holla at you next time I get a 40% in store email!!!

  5. Bethany, the kind I got were Banana Republic and they were AWESOME, but I got them from Buffalo Exchange and I cannot find the same cut in stores now! It was like a one-time thing. I need them in a smaller size now so the pair I got before are pretty much useless.

  6. White house black market!! They have the best jeans. I love their Noir style. My advice is to try them on in the store to find your perfect fit, then buying them on ebay. That's what I've done a few times, because they are expensive. They are always true to size and fit me like a glove.

  7. I will high-five to this post!

    I have the SAME issues. Over and over and over. . .

    It is so frustrating to me!

    That's why I always end up in my Old Navy lounge pants and a shirt. Because they fit.

  8. We all have our jean issues. Mine is long enough, wide enough for my hips, but skinny enough for my chicken legs, and I only want to pay $20. I shop around everywhere to find them. Try some weird places: Burlington Coat Factory, Ross, American Eagle, Charlotte Russe. Good luck. There is a perfect pair out there for you. And I say try the jegging. :)

  9. The hangup for me in jeans fit is the back gap. If I find a pair that fits my butt and thighs, I have 4 inches of extra fabric gaping above my fanny - not particularly attractive, and often too much to gather in with a belt. I don't think I'm THAT oddly shaped, but according to jeans manufacturers, I must be...

  10. I am in the same boat as Heidi but I know my problem. My thighs are abnormally large and if I buy pants that fit my thighs I have a MASSIVE back gap that only a tank top from Shade can handle and shade stopped making tank tops so I have to make the five I have last. :( It's so sad. I think I'll buy some pajama jeans as well.

  11. I got the Barely Boot Cut. They are a little low but I love having low cut pants. They have like 10 different styles though and I tried most of them on and found some that fit my body (which is odd). Trying to find a pair of pants is so hard sometimes. But whenever I do find some, I buy 2 or more. :)

  12. The only jeans I buy are "Signature" by Levi Strauss at Wal-Mart. I love them!

  13. I want to get brave enough to wear skinny jeans, but I do NOT feel skinny right now.

    Did you find a pair you like yet?!

  14. gap and banana republic!!!! gap is my fav. they have SO many different styles you are bound to find one that you'll like

  15. Seriously, nice post. Where can I find the website's feed?

    jeans traders


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