Wednesday, November 2, 2011

When your schnoz is hopelessly crooked.

You know my handsome, sweet, amazing, all-other-gag-worthy-modifiers husband Dill?

(Ahem, insert mandatory super-cute picture:)

Before yesterday, Dill couldn't breathe through both nostrils simultaneously like the rest of us cool people. You see, his septum -- that thing that divides your nostrils -- had been crooked (aka "deviated") for many years and this situation wasn't making nasal respiration easy for him.

So yesterday, he got that there septum fixed! Yaaaay.

It was a cakewalk for me. I dropped him off in the wee morning hours and then they called me to come get him when he was done. We live about five minutes from the hospital where this all went down which was highly convenient.

Here's the funny part: I, the woman who has given birth to not one but TWO children, who has been sliced open while awake and has seen her own blood smeared across an entire delivery room ... I took one look at Dill in his hospital gown and bloody gauze dressing and yes, I started getting lightheaded and blacking out.

I can't make this stuff up.

The nurse was relaying all the discharge information to me when I suddenly felt warm and heard that all-too-familiar buzzing in my ears. Having passed out many times before, I quickly told the nurse it was getting hot in there and I was seeing stars and then my butt found the closest chair. Within seconds, another nurse came in with a cold, wet rag and a Styrofoam cup of apple juice. Nurses take this fainting business seriously, I guess.

How embarrrrrrrrassing. I mean, I wasn't the one who'd had her nose hacked into just hours before. And yet I had the nerve to get queasy and require medical attention! Oh man! I'll never live this down.

In the meantime, I'm playing nurse (not naughty nurse; get yo' mind outta the gutter!) to my recovering husband. It's extremely sexy, changing bloody dressings and dispensing his pills. Let me tell you.

One thing we know for sure is I could never be a REAL nurse. I'd probably spend more time with my head between my knees drinking apple juice than actually tending to sick people.

I've said it once and I'll say it again: Nurses are saints.

Any tips to speed up Dill's recovery? Or maybe some embarrassing stories to help me feel better, since my ego is clearly wounded.

P.S. That weird-o alien circle is still on my face. It dried up and flaked off last night, but the pink outline is still there. Starting to freak me out.


  1. I've had the blackouts hit a couple times as a nursing student, but I don't recall it since I've been working. Alan, however, passed out when I was getting two measly stitches in my hand. He was even a freshly minted EMT at the time!

  2. I am right there with you sista. Although, just you mentioning your blood across the delivery room made me feel a little queasy. I will probably faint when I give birth someday. When I worked at a preschool I dreaded when kids would have big falls/scrapes because just a little bit of blood made me feel sick.

    Your photo is out of this world adorable. That's a smile of a woman who is truly in love :)

  3. Awww, it's ok- it happens all the time! Seriously, I've helped many MANY a family member to the nearest chair (or safely helped them slide to the floor if it happens too fast) at work! And like Heidi, I too have had the near-blackouts at clinicals... most recently a few weeks ago while watching my nurse pack a midline incision- yikes!) I know a nurse that passed out every time she saw a placenta delivered (when she was a student... obviously did not got into L&D!) so yeah, it even happens to us "strong" ones! ;)

    Hope Dillon gets to feeling better soon. I don't have any experience with that kind of surgery but have heard it sucks bigtime! =(

  4. I've heard that when your spouse puts on Michael Jackson and dances their dandiest it speeds up the recovery process by 52%.

  5. I'd say that this was a pretty funny story.. but, that wouldn't be nice. :) I'm sure you remember MY "funny" story from EFY when we were in Testimony Meeting and I stood up off the floor to bare my testimony only to find both of my legs had fallen asleep? Remember how I crashed to the floor ( in a skirt! ) Ah. Good times.

  6. I once passed out during a temple session, when Sam and I were the ... um ... couple ... and we were up front. It was awesome. And humiliating.

  7. My husband nearly passed out at our first OB appointment with our little boy. Right after we heard the heartbeat and the dr walked out of the room, down the poor guy went! I guess the thought of so much responsibility was a bit too much for him! A friend of mine also passed out while getting her ears pierced and grabbed the ear piercer's crotch on her way down. And my cousin once passed out while attempting to put a contact lens into his own eye!
    I hope your husband recovers quickly!

  8. I passed out in the temple once- during sealings. Right before I felt like I was going to get sick- Eric said I was moaning pretty loudly.

  9. passing out is terrifying, as i learned with clint's ordeal last year. glad you're both ok ;) a speedy recovery to dillon!

  10. I passed out my junior year in chemistry class. Luckily my teacher saw me going down and was able to catch me. My passing out stories start from the age of 5. Fun, fun.

  11. I passed out while watching a dentist do a filling. I was a student at the time and that same dentist later hired me as his dental assistant. Turned out pretty well for me. :)

  12. hahaha. sorry, i shouldn't laugh, but i love your reaction to almost fainting after all your experience with blood. you're a trooper jenna. :) i hope dill gets better soon!

  13. passing out is really difficult to deal with but the good thing about it most of the time is that you could actually know when it is going to happen especially if you have had pass experiences with it. am glad that you actually knew that it was going to happen and you didn't actually faint there... just let dill rest most of the time and proper changing of dressings will help him recover faster and of course with you being on his side everytime will make him regain his strength... love your blog!!! i pray for dill's faster recovery... following you now, hope you could visit my blog too.. kissess!!!

  14. i would be the exact same way! and maybe to speed up his recovery, he wouldn't mind you playing sexy nurse...;)


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