Thursday, April 12, 2012

I'm a stay-at-home mom.


I'm sure you've all heard Democratic pundit Hilary Rosen's accusation that Ann Romney (wife of Mitt, one of my silver foxes) can't possibly understand the economy because as a stay-at-home mother, she's "never worked a day in her life."

Yeah.

Never mind the fact Ann raised five sons while battling breast cancer and multiple sclerosis. Because, you know, that must have been a real vacation.

I was actually shocked that someone who claims to be a human rights activist would denigrate another woman's choice so brazenly. Apparently, I'm not the only person who has taken issue with Rosen's accusations -- Even Michelle Obama tweeted a rebuttal of her own. They were clearly out of touch and indicative of her ignorance.

But the fact is, we stay-at-home moms understand the economy just as well, if not better than, our formally-employed counterparts. We have to. We're running microcosmic economies in our own homes.

I'll let you in on a secret: in our family, Dill brings home the bacon (I bring a meager amount in as well) and I manage it. You see, while Dill is hard at work in his office, he is NOT grocery shopping, paying for dental visits and doctor's appointments, writing checks to pay for preschool or paying bills. He slaves in front of a computer all day, but he doesn't sit at OUR computer with a stack of bills with OUR names on them, moving money around OUR bank accounts to make things balance out every two weeks. It's not his fault and I don't mean to put him down -- he's a wee bit preoccupied with other people's money problems during the day. So I actually do all those things. It works for us. And yes, he knows exactly where all our money goes and does have a say, lest ye think I've monopolized that duty entirely. We are a team! But the truth is, he doesn't take care of the kids. He doesn't know all their needs. He doesn't know when every little bill is due.

I bet you can guess who does, though.

You're right -- I don't bring in much income. It's a nice little sum every month, but it's certainly not enough to feed our family on my own. However, I do know a whole lot about saving money, something our government can't seem to figure out. It was I who decided we couldn't afford cable and cut it; I who contacted a new insurance company to lower our rates by $100 a month. I price match, I shop clearance racks, I make dinner every night so we don't have to spend loads of money eating out, I clean and maintain the house for free.

I'm sure many of you who choose to stay at home are nodding your heads, saying, "Yes, I do all those things too!" You get it. You live this life with me. You understand the vitality of stay-at-home motherhood.

Take a look at this gem from Rosen regarding the life experience of Mrs. Romney:

"[Ann Romney's] never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing in terms of how do we feed our kids, how do we send them to school and how do we -- why we worry about their future."

I can't speak for Ann, but let me assure you, Ms. Rosen: I absolutely have worried about how I would feed my children. It has gotten bad enough, I promise. That was when I took on some freelance writing work to supplement our income. That was when I started ad-matching at Wal-Mart. That was when I spent my nights crying silently into my pillow about how we would make ends meet, and maybe I should sell my precious wedding ring to come up with the funds.

Let me assure you, Ms. Rosen: I absolutely have worried -- and still worry -- about how I will send my kids to school. This is why my children will attend nearby public schools for their primary education -- we can't afford fancy private schools with their exorbitant tuition. This is why my children will be encouraged to do their very best in school, get good grades and earn scholarships so they can attend college -- college funds are not in the cards for our family.

And let me assure you, Ms. Rosen: I absolutely worry about my kids' future. This is the precise reason I stay at home with them! I don't want them to see the world through your admitted perspective, viewing stay-at-home mothers as ignorant, inferior losers. I don't want them to grow up thinking they can buy whatever they want and answer for it later, or turn to Uncle Sam when their bad choices lead to financial ruin. I don't want them to learn family values and morality from the television set or daycare workers or even well-meaning babysitters -- I want them to learn about life from me, their mother who loves them more than any other woman in the world. Whose hopes and dreams for them are unmatched by any other person.

Oh yes, I worry about their future. Have you seen our world lately? Vile pornography is accessible with the click of a mouse. It's all the rage to get stupidly drunk and hook up with random friends. It's not cool to be smart or self-sufficient. If you have a problem, you blame it on someone or something else. You smother it in drugs and alcohol.

Not to mention, our economy is in shambles, and we're rapidly piling up a debt that my children will have to deal with. As a stay-at-home mother, I am WELL-AWARE OF THIS.

We all are.

I don't intend to discredit working women. I truly admire you for what you do. I've been in your shoes, too. This world needs the positive influence of women in politics, in news, in sports, in the arts, in the medical field, in education, in management and in every other sector of life. We need you.

But we also need some people to just stay at home and raise the kids.

Let's quit criticizing one another and making unfair assumptions. This behavior is most UN-feminist! We are all entitled to choose our own paths and make our own differences in the world. And no matter what those endeavors may be, I believe the future will thank us all for doing our part and supporting one another.

36 comments:

  1. I think people forget that the Romney's didn't start out as billionaires. Sure, they didn't have poor parents, but they were their own family entity and had to make their own budgets. It took hard work and sacrifice, and smart thinking too- it just paid off differenty than a lot of us. I am pretty sure Ann Romney had a few cries in her pillow as well!

    Well-said, Jenna.

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  2. Well said Jenna. I had many of the same thoughts when I read about the twitter comments on Ann Romney never working a day in her life.

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  3. great post! i especially like & agree with the last bit about supporting each other as women, very well said!

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  4. the first thing i thought about was what the comment Melanie left. The romney's did not just start with everything they had today. i didn't like the responses to Michelle Obamas tweet either. come on peeps lets be nice. if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. :)

    you rock girl.

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  5. I;m not a stay at home mom, but I have many friends who are. i have a deep respect for them. They work extremely hard to keep their househole together. That Ms Roen sounds like a tool. Great post. :) I'm going to forward it to some of my freinds who were just talking about this on FB. :)
    www.findyoursparkle2.com

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  6. Honestly? I do all the shopping, doctors, budgeting, saving, planning, etc. I get the economy waaaaaay better than the hubs because I deal with the market and price inflation every single day. (Just ask Walmart. They can vouch for my daily attendance.) We're buying a car on Monday. I just told Sam today. He hasn't even seen it. He's too busy trying to earn the dough (let's not talk about his recent 85-hour work week) and he trusts me.

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  7. I really appreciate this, and it was just what I needed to hear. It feels good to have someone back you up in all the things you've been feeling. Maybe I'm a little too *emotional*, but this had me in tears. Thank you!

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  8. While I agree that saying stay-at-home moms don't work is out of line, might I point out that working moms come up against the same issues you do. They and their families still need to figure out bills, shopping, etc., often with more time constaints. Many are working out of economic necessity and therefore know just as much about economic hardship as anyone. Most families, whatever their employment situation, understand the need to feed their families, educate their kids and pay the bills. So I don't think stay-at-home moms know any more about economic struggles then working moms. They just handle those struggles differently.

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  9. THANK YOU! Enough said! I have shared your thoughts with all my friends and family, couldn't say it better myself! THANK YOU!

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  10. I believe there is a disconnect in your post. I agree with everything you said, As I do all the same SAHM tasks you do. However, I do believe that what Ms Rosen's comment was pointing out is the Romneys very wealthy economic status that, I feel, has enabled them to lead a very (well earned) privileged life. From what I've read, their marriage (including their child rearing years) has always been accompanied with lots of money. I believe that Ms Rosen was pointing out Ann's fortunate financial situation as a SAHM, not the fact that she was a SAHM in itself.

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  11. Great article Jenna. You know how deeply I feel about the decision I made to stay home and raise you and your four siblings. I can definitely say that being a stay-at-home mom is extremely hard work. At age 50, I can now truly look back and realize that the sacrifices I made to stay home and raise a family are found in unimaginable rewards. BTW, all the money that Ann Romney most likely was privileged to have never gave her the solace and peace of mind that accompanied her disease of Multiple Sclerosis and also surviving breast cancer.

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  12. DefyGravity,

    I'd like you to kindly point out where I said working mothers don't have to balance budgets, shop, etc. They obviously do, too. I was just answering to Ms. Rosen's comment that stay-at-home mom's who have "never worked a day in their lives" don't understand the economy, don't live through it like the rest of the employed world.

    @Amberly, I read Ms. Rosen's comment. She did imply that the fact Ann Romney never worked that she couldn't understand the economy. The Romney's started out as poor as anyone else, paying $75 a month to live in a basement apartment with their first son while Mitt attended BYU. She is no stranger to low income, despite what everyone would believe.

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  13. Jenna, this was a great article. You do this so very well.

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  14. First, darling picture.

    Second, I think people forget how much work really goes into managing a home--whether you are father or mother, working outside the home or not.

    Third, here is an article on our local news that shows Ann's response. Looks like no one has been willing to agree with Ms. Rosen on either political side. :)

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  15. Another great one Jenna. And I like that you pointed out that battling over SAHM or working mothers is completely UN-feminist. Let us rejoice that as women we can choose to stay home, and if us mommies have to work, that we can!

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  16. LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I completely agree with everything you said...only you're just a TAD more eloquent than I would be...okay, a LOT! I am a SAHM and proud of the decision I made to stay home with my children.
    www.strawberrymommycakes.com

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  17. Very well said, Jenna! You are right on point that we need both working women and women to stay at home with our children. I think being a stay at home mom has to be one of the hardest jobs and I commend women who do it everyday.

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  18. This post is so beautiful. I don't yet have kids, but I have always wanted to make sure I'm able to be a stay at mum when I do. Thank you for sharing your perspective, Jenna. It really is comforting...

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  19. Wonderful. wonderful piece. Have been stewing about the comments all day and pondering a post...but you've so eloquently done so, I shan't try to reinvent the wheel!

    Thank you!

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  20. Jenna,Great article! You said everything perfectly. I wish this was where the whole world could read it. Why are you not writing for some well know publisher? Love, DAD.

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  21. This is my favorite post you have written to date. Extremely well said- especially the bit about how un-feminist it is to criticize each other. I always thought the women's rights movements was about increasing our ability to choose. The ignorants who make comments like Hilary Rosen need to wake up and realize the ability to choose and be respected for that choice is the goal of any equality movement... belittling people for choosing differently than they did is what bigots do. So much for being "open minded."

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  22. Jenna I don't know you but I am grateful for your ability to express yourself on behalf of mothers everywhere. Your comments were so well thought out and written.. Thank you for taking a stand!

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  23. That was awesome! I am not a stay-at-home mom, my hubby stays with them during the day and then goes to work in the evening when I'm home but I agree with everything you said! As mothers we all worry about the economy, how we will provide for our children and what sort of legacy we are leaving for them. Great post!

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  24. Amen sister! I'm not a stay at home mom quite yet (currently almost 33 weeks pregnant), but I will be in about a month. I totally agree with everything you said!

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  25. Bravo! Well said. We are women,and we do it all. Work, stay home, pay bills, cook, clean, teach, and everything else you can think of. It's sad when being a stay at home mom is looked at as "the easy way out". When it indeed is not. No matter if a mom is working or not, her job is hard. Being able to stay home is a blessing, but that doesn't mean we're not working our butt off, everyday. If you were here right now, I'd give you a high five. :) You hit this one out of the park.

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  26. Hi Jenna!

    I found your blog because a half-dozen people have linked to this post on Facebook. It's fantastic -- you're an incredibly talented writer.

    I feel a little strange weighing in here on a topic so personal to women, but as a fella who works from home, I can testify that Sarah works at least five times as hard as I do, and that's when the kids are napping. That said, I'm over my initial outrage and have grown sympathetic to Ms. Rosen, who I think is guilty more of a shockingly poor choice of words than of purposefully demeaning of SAMHs everywhere. I think her point was that Ann (and, by extension, Mitt) is unable to relate to the economic struggles of the working poor -- not at all that SAMHs don't do "work." In other words, the Romneys personally have NOT experienced pain related to the economic downturn, Ann is able to make the SAMH choice *without a smidgen of fear or concern* about her family's financial well-being, and Mitt's understanding of women's economic struggles is limited to his what his non-struggling wife is telling him. I might add that in no point during their family's "early years" did they ever have to fear not being able to feed their families, regardless of whether they lived in a basement apartment or whatever. He was the son of a wealthy CEO and governor, and Ann comes from a family of means, too. To sum up, Ann's just way too rich to understand what poor folks go through.

    I'm not defending this line of argument -- rather, I think it's deeply flawed, and incomplete -- but I think that it fairly sums up the point that Rosen the Ill-Spoken was trying to make. I honestly DON'T think she intended to insult SAMHs, just to lambaste Mitt for being out-of-touch. Painfully stupid word choice to make a standard political point.

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  27. I was just talking about this with my husband last night! Thanks for writing something, because I certainly wanted to. What is with working women pitting against stay-at-home women? It's like there's an unnecessary war going on! We're all just as valuable.

    And I think it takes lots of talent and education to raise children. There's a reason children typically come one at a time into a family: it's because it takes a lot of time and love and dedication to raise each and every one! That's one reason I stay at home. And I feel very lucky that my husband provides enough to let me do it.

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  29. Thank you so much for this post. My friend linked to it on FB. I am so right there with you and I just wanted to say thank you. I love your view of feminism and being a stay at home Mom. You're much more articulate in conveying it than I am.

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