Five Christmas songs that I could live without.

Don't forget about the My Memories giveaway I posted earlier! It ends next Tuesday! Very low entry count so far so your odds are likely good.

After Thanksgiving, I start listening to a local radio station that plays Christmas music non-stop. It's pretty fun and gets me excited for the season, plus my kids love it. I enjoy most Christmas music, but some of the most popular songs are just plain disastrous to me. Notice how I said, "to me," because I'm sure many of you totally adore these songs. I hope we can still be friends even though our tastes in Christmas music differ.

I've created this list so you can see what annoys me (and hopefully not use it as a means of torture later). So as not to be a total Scrooge, though, I will also include a "silver lining" after each video link. Something slightly redeeming about the song. I'm not a total pessimist, see? I can find the good in anything!

Anyhoo, let's begin.

1. "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer." So, when I was a kid, I thought this song was kind of funny -- drunk Grandma gets squashed by Santa's reindeer and is left with hoofprints on her forehead. But then I started envisioning my own grandma getting ran over by a reindeer while walking home on the quaint streets of Caldwell, Idaho on Christmas Eve, and well, that ruined it for me. Don't let the jaunty beat fool you -- this song is truly depressing. And way to go, Santa, for letting your out-of-control pets ruin someone else's Christmas.



Silver lining: Warns against the dangers of drug and/or alcohol abuse. Grandmas, drink your egg nog responsibly.

2. "Baby, It's Cold Outside." First off, this is hardly a Christmas song. More like a winter song. But anyway, that's not what irks me about this little ditty. It's the creeptacular way the punch-drunk dude relentlessly tries to convince his love interest to stay at his house (perhaps after a party) due to unexpected  frigid weather. Even though she repeatedly tells him she "the answer is 'NO'." Sir, let the girl GO already! Your desperation is probably freaking her out. The next step is a restraining order.

And then, in the middle of the song she asks, unprompted, "Say, what's in this drink?" Is she suddenly curious about the type of liquor in the cocktail, trying to change the subject of his intense desire for her, or does she sense she's getting roofied? In any case, it seems like the guy wins and she stays the night at the end of the song. I kind of feel like  "Let It Snow" basically accomplishes the same feeling of weather-induced romantic giddiness without the undertones of sexual coercion and loose drunkenness. But I could be wrong.



Silver lining: Will Ferrel singing this with Zooey Deschanel in Elf is freaking hilarious.

3. "Last Christmas." Dear Taylor Swift, Ashley Tisdale, Jimmy Eat World and the cast of Glee: No amount of remixing is going to make this song awesome. And I like a lot of WHAM!'s stuff, but this one is not amongst their finest works of art. It's not even a Christmas song, really, besides the fact the event in question took place on a Christmas. Last Christmas, to be exact.

Listen, George Michael. I get that you're sad your girlfriend used you as a shoulder to cry on and nothing more. But seriously, it's creepy. A whole year has passed and you're still blubbering about it? Have some egg nog (but not too much -- don't want to end up like Grandma!) and move on already.

Now, for the hysterical '80's-tastic video. Love the hair, George.



Silver Lining: Best shot in this cheesy video is at 1:26. George, you sure wear that fluffy Eskimo coat well. Emo before it was cool.

4. "I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas." Which should be sub-titled, "I'm A Self-Centered Brat Who Makes Unreasonable Demands." Yikes. I'm not wholly against wishing for hippopotamus...es (hippopotami?) for Christmas, but do you have to be so insufferably witchy about it? Really, only a hippopotamus will do? What about an iPad? They probably cost just as much but they won't eat your face off.

Beside the fact the singer's voice makes my ears bleed, this is just a dumb song. Sorry if you love it. I feel like it needs to go the way of the Twinkie ASAP.



Silver lining: The lines, Mom says a hippo would eat me up but then / Teacher says the hippo is a vegetarian. Most excellent rhyming right there.

5. "Santa, Baby." This is the hippopotamus lover all grown up, but this time she's trying to seduce Santa into giving her a bunch of expensive crap. A convertible -- light blue. A yacht. Decorations from Tiffany's. THE DEED to a PLATINUM MINE. I mean, really? Christmas is for kids. If you're an adult, go buy your own flapping platinum mine. Stop draining Santa's funds. Yanno? Plus, the singer's sultry tone suggests she's probably be on the naughty list, anyway. Maybe she'll find a diamond in her lump of coal.



Silver lining: The contrast between the straight rhythm interlude between verses and the swung rhythm of the rest of the song. Music geek alert!!!

It'd probably be a nice, anti-Scrooge thing to make a "Five Favorite Christmas Songs" list too, huh? Be on the lookout for that.