Belonging as a mom.

As you all know, I am 24. A baby, as some of the older folks say.

I got married very young, just a few months shy of 19. Yes, I WAS 18. But I was at BYU, the college where young marriedness is accepted (and somewhat expected). So even after I put on the ring, I still felt like I fit in with my peers. A lot of my friends were married or getting married, anyway. Sometimes, it was a little awkward to inform obviously interested male classmates of my marital status. But this was BYU. What did they expect? Slightly awkward, but the show went on.

Then, I got pregnant. (It was intentional, just so you know.) I was only about half-way done with my degree. All of my classmates were taking fabulous anchor jobs on campus, running off on fabulous internships with their fabulous hair and fabulous clothes; meanwhile, I was just trying to survive my beginning reporting class in the Provo heat with a massive belly and some non-fabulous maternity shirts (and ONE skirt). Let me say, pregnancy is a definite game-changer, even at BYU. Young and married? Cool. Young, married and pregnant? Weird. Try telling your assigned study group that you might not be coming to class EVER because you can't stop puking and you will probably be bed-ridden most of the semester. Or try soaking up the stares you'll most definitely receive when you decide the floor is probably more comfortable for your pubic symphasis diastasis than a chair. Point being, pregnant women are an anomaly and people want to avoid them. Especially in college.

(Maybe they think pregnancy is contagious? Wouldn't put it past the BYU population, unfortunately.)

The awkwardness of pregnancy eventually ended and Bubby was born. Mind you, I was a little more than half-way done with college at that point and I was bound and determined to finish. For me, going to school with a kid was way harder than going to school pregnant. At least when you're pregnant, you can just drag your sorry carcass to class and study groups and meetings on a moment's notice. People may even pity your obvious condition. Not when you have a child. Different story.

Now, I know there are BYU students who bring their babies to class. I am not one of them. Babies don't belong at school, methinks. So I arranged for sitters. I paid for them or I traded babysitting hours with them. Sometimes, I was lucky enough to have family watch Bubby for free. Dill was able to rework his schedule to have an entire day off during the week, so that's when I took the bulk of my classes during my first semester back. It was not easy to coordinate classes and study sessions around my sitters, but I felt it had to be done. My motherhood might hinder my education a little bit, but I wasn't going to let it hinder that of others.

Then, I got an internship and started this blog. At BYU, when people find out you're in the "family way," they might be slightly surprised, but they figure it's the next logical step for a married Mormon woman. In the real world, at a real news station? Utter shock. With each revelation, it was, "You're a MOM?!" and my response was a tentative, "Yep!" I don't know what people were thinking, but I can guess "accident" and "teen pregnancy" may have been part of the thought process. And understandably so. I'm ashamed to admit I was a little embarrassed by it. People were supportive, though. I won't forget when seasoned reporter and expectant dad Jason Barry asked me for parenting advice on a ride-along, or when I showed Bubby's baby pictures to anchor Nicole Crites, a young mom herself. But for the most part, my being a mom was especially awkward while I interned at KPHO. All the other interns were heading off to bigger and better things when they finished -- I was heading home. And everyone knew it. This time: really awkward.

Once I completed my internship and graduated, I breathed a big sigh of relief as I took my natural place as a stay-at-home mom. This is the job I'm meant for. It fits, it feels right. And I finally feel like I belong.

This morning, a good friend and neighbor invited me and several other moms with our kids over for breakfast and Mary Poppins. How nice it was to sit together and chat about the momly things we do all day while our kids ran around (and ate chalk, in the case of Smushyboy)! I always feel so at home at these meet-ups. I don't have to defend the fact I'm married and have children. I don't have to defend my decision to be a homemaker. I don't have to ever feel ashamed of my kids and the gross or crazy things they do -- in fact, I wear those moments like badges of honor! The pregnancy grossness, the aftermath of childbirth, the potty-training, the fishing foreign objects out of my kid's mouth -- they're my work experience. And they look really good on my résumé.

I don't know where I'm going with this, except to say that I am comfortable as a mom. At this time in my life, I am happy raising and teaching my little ones every day. This is where I am supposed to be. Is it always a party? No. Is it rewarding? Yes. Is it worthwhile? You bet. Is it hard to see the rewards? Often, it is. But you learn to rely on love and as you do, your eyes are opened to what a wonderful, special, and dare I say, sacred thing it is to be a mother. I'm grateful I've finally found a place where I belong.

And, I'm proud to say, it's not awkward at all.